Philippians 4:7

As most of you know, when I was in Africa last summer there was a little boy named Richard that stole my heart. We had an instant connection and I am certain it was love at first sight. After I met him I was trying to figure out all that God was doing. In the short amount of time I was there, I tried to comprehend all that I had experienced and all that I was feeling for this sweet little boy. I soon realized that God’s ways are far too great and that I wouldn’t be able to figure all of this out without His leading. So…after coming back home to my big, soft bed and a nice hot bubble bath…I prayed…and prayed…and prayed. I had such a variety of emotions  and I realized that I had to commit every plan, thought and idea to the Lord…and then, I was reminded that HE HOLDS MY WORLD IN HIS HANDS…Of course He knows what is best for both Richard and me. So I will pray about it and I will follow His leading. From day one I agreed I would pray about this and that if God opened doors…I would walk through them. 

As I prayed I felt God encouraging me to fight for him and to particularly pray for Richard’s grandmother. Then, this past spring I believe God was working a miracle. I was informed about a blog that was written ALL about Richard and his grandmother…this was absolutely HUGE and I felt as though this was another hard…heavy door that was being opened…and although finding Richards grandmother seemed impossible…God planned for this and provided me with answers that Patrick and I had been praying about night and night….This whole time I had been telling myself to fight for Richard and to depend on God…and that if God’s plans are for Richard to be our child—than he simply will. And if in the end God closes that final door, we’ll know this isn’t what He has planned for us…and that if we are unable to adopt Richard…we’ll pray about another child we’re supposed to adopt. 

I messaged Amani to explain our situation and how Patrick and I would just love to adopt Richard. I asked if I would be able to at all meet with his grandmother just to inform her of the love that we have for Richard. I understood that maybe she wouldn’t be fully supportive of the idea—especially since I am aware that she would like to see Richard live and grow up in Uganda…but I just felt like she needed to know our interest in her sweet grandson. After waiting and praying patiently for God’s blessing, I received an email from Amani that said: “We understand your love and concern about Richard, and we really do appreciate it. But to follow Amani’s rules and to protect Richard and his situation, we are sorry to say that we are unable to introduce you to his grandmother. We feel this is just best and we hope you understand.”  I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but there was a big part of me that thought it was very doable to meet his grandmother. She is just about 30 minutes from Amani and I really felt like maybe God would allow this. Once I received the email I was of course bummed…but I continued to rely and put my hope in God. I also had the thought of, “If this is God’s will it’s not going to matter—He’ll make a way and will continue to move mountains. I’m not worried.” …And honestly, I’m not 100% sure this door is closed…maybe when I actually get there something miraculous will happen…and Oh wouldn’t that be beautiful if it did! I know God performs miracles on a daily basis and so I believe with all my heart that something powerful and BIG could happen! …On the other hand, maybe God is closing the door on Richard…and if this is the case, there is no doubt my heart will be broken…and no matter what happens…my love for him will always be there…  Patrick and I will continue to hold him close in our hearts. After all, this little boy has had such a big impact on my life and has inspired me greatly!!! Although this wasn’t the news I wanted to hear…I am thankful that I found out beforehand so that I have a little bit of time to prepare my heart.  I also am finding that I have peace….I do feel at peace about this. I thought maybe my emotions would be out of control…or that I would be stressed about this…and honestly…I have such a peace about this that it is sort of hard to understand…I’m a little surprised at myself that I’m not going crazy over this!! …But I was reminded about Philippians 4:7 The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. The reason why I have such peace about it is because I am confident in Christ and I know He has GREAT plans. I don’t need to fear—yes, it’ll break my heart of that final door closes…But either way, I know and love the One that is in control…I have nothing to fear…nothing to stress…I simply have peace.

I want to remind you that I am very calm about Richard’s situation currently as I type this and before I leave…But oh boy, I have no idea what it’ll be like when I can hold him in my arms again. No matter what happens…no matter the future…and even though I won’t be able to meet his JaJa, my heart is absolutely FULL of JOY …knowing that I’ll get to live with him at Amani for a full week! I can’t even comprehend what this will like and although it might break my heart even more, I am okay with that. My prayer for some time now has been Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours. My heart was shattered when I first went to Africa last summer…and I won’t be surprised if it’s shattered again.

Now, I would like to share some pictures with you of Richard.  These are a few pictures that I have come across over the past few weeks and months. They just put a smile on my heart every time I look at them. OH RICHARD—You MELT my HEART SWEET BOY!!! Can’t wait to be back with him!!!

As I have written and talked about the blog I came across of Richard that was all about him and his JaJa. It was my friend, Brooke, that informed me of it. Brooke and I have never actually met but she is volunteering at Amani this summer. She has been there since June and leaves in August. We’ve talked so much and so although we’ve never actually met in person—I feel like we already are such great friends! It’ll be SO FUN to finally meet her as well!!! :)

There is something else that I would like to share with you. When I first found out about Richard I was told his dad was never in the picture—which he wasn’t…and I was told that his mother was sick (and eventually died) due to AIDS…which she did. I was also told that Richard was not HIV+…which is false. Richard is HIV+. When I was first told that his mother was sick because of AIDS—my first thought and concern was of course for Richard…and before I was told that he wasn’t HIV+…I knew it didn’t matter what so ever. I love him and if God led me to be his mother I would of course feel honored and would love, care and provide for him regardless of his health—simply put: it didn’t matter. When I told right away that he was negative and that he wasn’t an HIV+ baby I felt relief…thankful that he wouldn’t have to live the rest of his long life with this virus. But this past winter I was indeed informed that Richard is a HIV+ baby and that because of this he is of course on daily medication…Can I just tell you my first thought?? ….I wanted him to be my son even more. I wanted to be able to fully care and love and provide and give him the proper medical care that he is in need of…I wanted to rescue him and devote my time and energy to him…I wanted to do what all mothers do: fight, love and protect their children. I understand that some people might think I’m crazy…might think this is dangerous…to adopt a child that is HIV+…when really, I just want to be honest—it is NOT as bad as most people think it is. Richard is on daily medication which keeps the virus under control and prevents it from actually turning into AIDS…he will NOT pass it on to me through a hug or a kiss or if I give him a bath. I understand that this is a serious medical condition…but at the same time I am NOT concerned. So what if Richard is HIV+…I.LOVE.HIM.

Because Richard is HIV+ his immunize system is weaker than the “average” child and he is unable to fight off common infections as easily….one common thing is warts…over the past few months Richard started to slowly develop small warts on his face…mainly around his eye…but over time they have continued to get worse. When I realized this it broke my heart and I wanted to be able to help him…I contacted Amani and they informed me that he was being treated and that it would just take time for the warts to pass. I just wanted to explain this so that you were aware and understood everything about Richard…and if you could of course continue to keep Richard in your prayers.  Below is a picture of Richard and Brooke on one of Brooke’s first days at Amani!!! :) He is SO BIG!!!!

Well it’s about time for me to start to get ready and to head to the airport…But I wanted to share a few more pictures with you. Over the past few weeks and the past 2 months…there have been so many NEW babies that have arrived to Amani. I’ve been seeing all of them from the pictures Brooke and Sandra have been sharing. I see these pictures and I know without a doubt that I am supposed to go to Amani. Yes, my first initial concern was for Richard…I felt like I needed to go back to him…to visit him again and to love him. Which of course is still true…But I am also realizing that there are other children just like Richard that need love and that deserved to be cared for…and these are just a few of them.

I leave for AFRICA tomorrow morning around 11am!! Please pray for a safe flight for my team and me!! We appreciate it and I hope to be able to connect and share more pictures with you all once I am there!!! :)