As most of you know, when I was in Africa last summer there
was a little boy named Richard that stole my heart. We had an instant
connection and I am certain it was love at first sight. After I met him I was
trying to figure out all that God was doing. In the short amount of time I was
there, I tried to comprehend all that I had experienced and all that I was
feeling for this sweet little boy. I soon realized that God’s ways are far too
great and that I wouldn’t be able to figure all of this out without His
leading. So…after coming back home to my big, soft bed and a nice hot bubble
bath…I prayed…and prayed…and prayed. I had such a variety of emotions and I realized that I had to commit every
plan, thought and idea to the Lord…and then, I was reminded that HE HOLDS MY
WORLD IN HIS HANDS…Of course He knows
what is best for both Richard and me. So I will pray about it and I will follow
His leading. From day one I agreed I would pray about this and that if God
opened doors…I would walk through them.
As I prayed I felt God encouraging me to fight for him and
to particularly pray for Richard’s grandmother. Then, this past spring I
believe God was working a miracle. I was informed about a blog that was written
ALL about Richard and his grandmother…this was absolutely HUGE and I felt as
though this was another hard…heavy door that was being opened…and although
finding Richards grandmother seemed impossible…God planned for this and
provided me with answers that Patrick and I had been praying about night and
night….This whole time I had been telling myself to fight for Richard and to
depend on God…and that if God’s plans are for Richard to be our child—than he
simply will. And if in the end God closes that final door, we’ll know this isn’t
what He has planned for us…and that if we are unable to adopt Richard…we’ll
pray about another child we’re supposed to adopt.
I messaged Amani to explain our situation and how Patrick
and I would just love to adopt Richard. I asked if I would be able to at all
meet with his grandmother just to inform her of the love that we have for
Richard. I understood that maybe she wouldn’t be fully supportive of the idea—especially
since I am aware that she would like to see Richard live and grow up in Uganda…but
I just felt like she needed to know our interest in her sweet grandson. After
waiting and praying patiently for God’s blessing, I received an email from
Amani that said: “We understand your love
and concern about Richard, and we really do appreciate it. But to follow Amani’s
rules and to protect Richard and his situation, we are sorry to say that we are
unable to introduce you to his grandmother. We feel this is just best and we
hope you understand.” I wasn’t quite
sure what to expect, but there was a big part of me that thought it was very
doable to meet his grandmother. She is just about 30 minutes from Amani and I
really felt like maybe God would allow this. Once I received the email I was of
course bummed…but I continued to rely and put my hope in God. I also had the
thought of, “If this is God’s will it’s
not going to matter—He’ll make a way and will continue to move mountains. I’m
not worried.” …And honestly, I’m not 100% sure this door is closed…maybe
when I actually get there something miraculous will happen…and Oh wouldn’t that
be beautiful if it did! I know God performs miracles on a daily basis and so I believe
with all my heart that something powerful and BIG could happen! …On the other
hand, maybe God is closing the door on Richard…and if this is the case, there
is no doubt my heart will be broken…and no matter what happens…my love for him
will always be there… Patrick and I will
continue to hold him close in our hearts. After all, this little boy has had
such a big impact on my life and has inspired me greatly!!! Although this wasn’t
the news I wanted to hear…I am thankful that I found out beforehand so that I
have a little bit of time to prepare my heart. I also am finding that I have peace….I do feel
at peace about this. I thought maybe my emotions would be out of control…or
that I would be stressed about this…and honestly…I have such a peace about this
that it is sort of hard to understand…I’m a little surprised at myself that I’m
not going crazy over this!! …But I was reminded about Philippians 4:7 The peace of God, which transcends all
understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. The
reason why I have such peace about it is because I am confident in Christ and I
know He has GREAT plans. I don’t need to fear—yes, it’ll break my heart of that
final door closes…But either way, I know and love the One that is in control…I
have nothing to fear…nothing to stress…I simply have peace.
I want to remind you that I am very calm about Richard’s
situation currently as I type this and before I leave…But oh boy, I have no
idea what it’ll be like when I can hold him in my arms again. No matter what
happens…no matter the future…and even though I won’t be able to meet his JaJa,
my heart is absolutely FULL of JOY …knowing that I’ll get to live with him at
Amani for a full week! I can’t even comprehend what this will like and although
it might break my heart even more, I am okay with that. My prayer for some time
now has been Lord, break my heart for
what breaks Yours. My heart was shattered when I first went to Africa last
summer…and I won’t be surprised if it’s shattered again.
Now, I would like to share some pictures with you of
Richard. These are a few pictures that I
have come across over the past few weeks and months. They just put a smile on
my heart every time I look at them. OH RICHARD—You MELT my HEART SWEET BOY!!!
Can’t wait to be back with him!!!
As I have written and talked about the blog I came across of
Richard that was all about him and his JaJa. It was my friend, Brooke, that informed
me of it. Brooke and I have never actually met but she is volunteering at Amani
this summer. She has been there since June and leaves in August. We’ve talked
so much and so although we’ve never actually met in person—I feel like we
already are such great friends! It’ll be SO FUN to finally meet her as well!!!
:)
There is something else that I would like to share with you.
When I first found out about Richard I was told his dad was never in the
picture—which he wasn’t…and I was told that his mother was sick (and eventually
died) due to AIDS…which she did. I was also told that Richard was not HIV+…which is false. Richard is HIV+. When I was first told that his
mother was sick because of AIDS—my first thought and concern was of course for
Richard…and before I was told that he wasn’t HIV+…I knew it didn’t matter what
so ever. I love him and if God led me to be his mother I would of course feel
honored and would love, care and provide for him regardless of his health—simply
put: it didn’t matter. When I told
right away that he was negative and that he wasn’t an HIV+ baby I felt relief…thankful
that he wouldn’t have to live the rest of his long life with this virus. But
this past winter I was indeed informed that Richard is a HIV+ baby and that
because of this he is of course on daily medication…Can I just tell you my
first thought?? ….I wanted him to be my son even more. I wanted to be able
to fully care and love and provide and give him the proper medical care that he
is in need of…I wanted to rescue him and devote my time and energy to him…I wanted
to do what all mothers do: fight, love and protect their children. I understand
that some people might think I’m crazy…might think this is dangerous…to adopt a
child that is HIV+…when really, I just want to be honest—it is NOT as bad as most
people think it is. Richard is on daily medication which keeps the virus under
control and prevents it from actually turning into AIDS…he will NOT pass it on
to me through a hug or a kiss or if I give him a bath. I understand that this
is a serious medical condition…but at the same time I am NOT concerned. So what
if Richard is HIV+…I.LOVE.HIM.
Because Richard is HIV+ his immunize system is weaker than
the “average” child and he is unable to fight off common infections as easily….one
common thing is warts…over the past few months Richard started to slowly
develop small warts on his face…mainly around his eye…but over time they have
continued to get worse. When I realized this it broke my heart and I wanted to
be able to help him…I contacted Amani and they informed me that he was being
treated and that it would just take time for the warts to pass. I just wanted
to explain this so that you were aware and understood everything about Richard…and
if you could of course continue to keep Richard in your prayers. Below is a picture of Richard and Brooke on
one of Brooke’s first days at Amani!!! :) He is SO BIG!!!!
Well it’s about time for me to start to get ready and to
head to the airport…But I wanted to share a few more pictures with you. Over
the past few weeks and the past 2 months…there have been so many NEW babies
that have arrived to Amani. I’ve been seeing all of them from the pictures
Brooke and Sandra have been sharing. I see these pictures and I know without a
doubt that I am supposed to go to Amani. Yes, my first initial concern was for
Richard…I felt like I needed to go back to him…to visit him again and to love
him. Which of course is still true…But I am also realizing that there are other
children just like Richard that need love and that deserved to be cared for…and
these are just a few of them.
I leave for AFRICA tomorrow morning around 11am!! Please
pray for a safe flight for my team and me!! We appreciate it and I hope to be
able to connect and share more pictures with you all once I am there!!! :)
